It shouldn’t surprise people who know me that I’ve been making myself miserable a good amount of my life. Lately, I think I’m ready to change that by enjoying the little things in life, and by being realistic about what happiness actually means to me; I was chasing after an unrealistic unending sense of bliss to stave my depression. In reality all I’ve needed to do was just accept that bad things happen, mind my mood for a while, and then go play basketball or find some other fun activity to lift my spirits. I’m going to have good days, bad days, and awesome days. I don’t mean that saying “just be happy” will cure my depression, that’s not how mental illness works. What I am saying is that I’m done pushing myself into the dirt and makinge things worse. I’m not a “seize the day” kind of person, but I’m ready to live in the moment and fight the ghosts of my past that keep chasing me.
I know how this person feels, this is what college did to me when it made reading into a chore for me rather than a hobby. I try to pickup and read books every so often, but concentrating on them just makes me fall asleep after reading a few pages. I just don’t have the mental stamina to read anymore, unless I’m editing something.
Hell, it even takes serious effort for me to write blogs if I don’t write them immediately. I don’t envy book lovers though, I’m happy that they haven’t given up on their primary passion in life. I suppose what I suffer from now is a strong lack of inspiration in my old passions. It’s important to remember the person I used to be, but it’s also important to keep my mind focused on the present and take things one day at a time.
I think I’m coming up through those awkward reflective moments of my late 20s where I start to “feel old” by lamenting my childhood and teen years being over. Something many people who grew up in the 90s like myself have experienced as well with the whole “90s Kids” nostalgia phenomenon.
I know things “can always be worse,” but I personally prefer the saying, “Things will get better for you.” I believe that giving people hope for tomorrow is more proactive, where looking at others people’s misery just stressed me out more. I have resolved to hope for a better future, while continuing to take steps in my present to reach that better tomorrow.
Hello again world of WordPress, it is I, Darth Vader. I mean, Kevin again. I just wanted to give people another life update about where I’ve been with how infrequent my posts have been.
Big news, friends! My dating endeavors are done for the time being in that I’ve finally found a girlfriend. I don’t expect the relationship to be the same as my previous four year engagement, but it should be nice to start the chapter in my love life and be close to somebody once again. In other news, I’ve since moved out of my parent’s house (my childhood home), and I’m now living independently with my band’s drummer. I will be reviewing “Fear The Walking Dead” when I get a chance to catch up with the episodes now that I have a reliable internet connection where I’m living.
I’ve also received a promotion at work along with a pay raise, and bought a new car, so overall this year has been wonderful to me. I’ve had some bad moments here and there, but I won’t let that get me down anymore since things have finally turned around for me. I’ll be blogging with more television reviews and commentaries on how supporting Feminism has changed my life, and I won’t be writing Op-eds that contradict the movements I claim to support anymore either. It’s an end to the bad times in my past and the beginning of something better for my future
I don’t expect everything to be sunshine and rainbows, but I will try to not mind the rainy days either as I’m happy with where I am right now. I look forward to continue writing for my WordPress and Twitter Audience for a very long time to come. Thank you all once again for checking out my blog, you’re all the reason I keep writing.
In October 2014 I tried to up the amount of content on my blog to become a “power blogger”, but it ultimately fell short because I don’t post consistently on a daily basis. I’m not upset about it, but I understand what I was missing now: passion.
It dawned on me yesterday as I started to try and play Iron Maiden ‘ “Hallowed Be Thy Name” on piano and it made me remember why piano was my favorite instrument to play; it makes me feel alive. I realized that if I turn my hobbies into chores then I was going to hate those hobbies.
I am very prolific with how much content I post on Facebook, so I may attempt to post more of my FB statuses on this blog to bring up the content. If not then I’m just going to keep doing my own thing and write (and play) things that make me feel alive.
Hello again WordPress, it’s been a while. I’ve been busy working my first full-time permanent job as an auto insurance salesman, and organizing things with my band prepping for our first show on June 20th. The thing I’m going to write about today is the difference time brings, namely the darkness of 2013 and the light of 2014.
If there was one word to describe how 2013 treated me it would be “agonizing”, a sentiment that this solo performance from Ben Burnley of Breaking Benjamin expresses quite eloquently with this video:
Becoming single after four years, my ex keeping my cat, and long periods of unemployment of losing (and skipping) to different jobs can really get a person down (especially one fresh out of college). It was a huge emotional struggle that I am glad to have survived and grown from as a person. I suppose that is what it really means to be an adult; dealing with the consequences of your actions and understanding your responsibilities in life.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, the singular word I would describe 2014 would be “recovery”. Last October was a sort of emotional renaissance for me, and 2014 has continued the trend with opportunities for employment and gigs with my band. If things keep going the way they are I’ll hopefully have my first apartment and car by the end of the year. It’s a nice feeling to know that your time to strike out your sense of personal freedom’s close at hand. So on that note (and in reference to my favorite blog from last year) here is Fall Out Boy’s “The Phoenix”:
Funny since I used to despise FOB, but their newer music is different from their older music (and a lot better IMO).
Ultimately, part of growing in life is accepting that both great and terrible things will always happen, and accepting that simple fact made my life a lot easier since depression hit me like a sack of bricks last year. Good tidings have helped me rise above the bad things this year, and for that I’m quite happy with life right now.
Hello again WordPress, I just wanted to chime in the reason that I was done writing about my personal and dating life because I don’t want to keep dwelling on the past, plus I don’t want to be *that guy* who writes about all of his dates and girlfriends. It was a conscious decision I made for and by myself, not just for certain readers.
On a separate note, I officially graduated in May 2013 and it was a great experience. While I was in college, I was expecting Alumni life to be difficult and abysmal compared to the good times I had in college. While the unemployment periods certainly filled such negative criteria, I’ve had a strong number of good times in alumni life. I think part of growing up is accepting that for every negative there’s also a positive.
For instance, I start a full-time permanent outbound calling sales job this coming Monday. I see this job as mixed blessing as I prefer customer service to sales, but it still pays well (hourly rather than commission) and will be a better step to success than just bouncing from temp job to temp job. Plus, I always have my band Hit The Deck to look forward too (who’s halfway thorough making our first EP!)
I’ve been very productive the past year as 2014 has been very good to me thus far, and I intend to not let things get me down the same way they did last year. Even if things get bad for me again, I will keep fighting “the good fight” and hold my head high rather than slouching my shoulders forward. I look forward to see what the rest of 2014 has in store for me, or what I have in store for it.
In New England, the days grow shorter and the warmth of the sun fades to the cruel cold of winter. Many of my friends are blinded by the majesty of Pumpkin flavored everything, the spirit of Halloween, and the historical significance Thanks Giving can hold for people from New England (Mass especially). People from out of the area love the scenery and the tourism that Autumn offers, but don’t know it as well as those who were raised here. Personally, my favorite season is Summer and I’d love to move to a state where it’s above 70 degrees year round because I can’t stand cold weather.
However, New England is where I’ve lived my whole life and probably where I want to go when I get buried many decades from now. I still need to travel to many other majestic locations around the US and around the world. But for right now, I am happy to have a full-time job and to be alive. I still feel a lot of angst over being single, but I think I’ve accepted my plight in that I just should be patient, meet new people, and see what happens. My FB friends would know I’ve been complaining a lot about my personal life as of late because I was loosing patience, but thanks to their help I’ve found my center again and I will continue to see how things go.
A few hours ago I was playing my bass along to the isolated bass track to “Schism” by Tool, and I put my bass down feeling depressed. I was depressed that I’ve spent a year learning a song that I don’t even care much about anymore (there are many BETTER songs by Tool). A little bit later as I was waiting for my small pizza to be delivered for dinner, I went on Facebook and found this video on the Breaking Benjamin FB page: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151932163383168
It’s a solo guitar and vocal video of Ben Burnley playing the single “Dear Agony” from their 2009 album of the same name. I hated the song when it first came out, but in retrospect the lyrics speak to my inner pain that I’ve experienced over the last eight months. This performance moved me very heavily as I just want to sing in unison with the singer and express my feelings to the world. And as that vision occurs to me, I also realize that I have the dual gifts of my words and my voice to express how I feel, and who I am to everyone.
I love music, and it loves me. Though the days grow shorter and colder, I know that music will always be there for me; for it is the only art medium that I know that can appeal to multiple human senses and emotions.
I woke up this morning after having several strange dreams (I woke up at various points in the night), including one about my ex. I have had people in my life tell me “Hurry up and get over her!”, but it’s never easy. They say it takes half the time you were with your partner to get over them, and I was with her for four years. In no way do I intend to let things in my head drag on that long, but it’s never easy to move on when you have a tendency to live in the past and don’t let things go easily. But as my day progressed, things got exponentially better.
Being the social media junkie I am, I was on Facebook looking at Bootsy Collin’s (a famous and accomplished funk bassist) page early in the morning. He had a status about how it’s sad that news outlets keep covering so many negative stories. And well, I’ll let this photo show what happened next:
I got acknowledged by one of my favorite bass players ever, with just one comment my mood changed completely. I picked up my bass, and continued my lessons in trying to master Tool’s song “Schism” (it’s a pretty tough song to play). I then played some basketball and left that day to run some errands to complete my Merle Dixon costume (from the Walking Dead).
Here’s a look at the costume and prosthetic so far:
I just need to get in better shape and paint the prosthetic. It all should be pretty awesome when Halloween comes around.
Plus I should clean my room soon…
Also, I traded my acoustic bass for an Epiphone Goth Thunderbird, so here’s another picture for your viewing pleasure:
So it goes to show that when life hands you lemons, and you hate lemonade, then throw the lemons away and wait for oranges instead. And if you don’t like either lemons or oranges, then you could just go find said fruits of life (depending upon your beliefs in fate). What I’ve taken away from today is that just because a day can start off awful, it can always get better; which is also far more proactive than saying “it could always be worse”.
As a writer I often have my moments of reflection and deep thought, and as a person I have my moments of simple emotion and impulses. In the digital age there is no better way to measure the human psyche than with social media. Enter Facebook; where everyone expresses their political, social, philosophical, personal beliefs and actions to a world of complete strangers. And here I am, basking in the warm glow of social media in my own selfish desire for attention.
Note: I would have had more than four posts but I recently cleared out my timeline of many statuses since I’m job hunting right now.
4. Working today at New Horizons, I went up to retired Naval Veteran and thanked him for his service to this country. He thanked me back saying “Thank you, too! Because you’re a great guy!” It’s the little things that go the furthest sometimes.
I work part-time as a Waiter at an Assisted Living facility called New Horizons right now, and I go out of my way to brighten up the day of the residents’ there anyway I can. In this case I was expressing my thanks to a Veteran around this past Memorial Day Weekend. It managed to brighten my day as well.
3. “The Newsted show was so amazing!! The opening bands were great, I got a fist bump from Jason and conversed with him like a doofy fan (forgot to give him my name, lol), and I heard My Friend of Misery and Whiplash LIVE for the first time ever. Additionally, Brad and I were up front and center the whole time so I got a great view of his new band and the gorgeous basses Jason Newsted was using. I’ll write the review tomorrow and post it to the Newsted FB in hopes of getting my name out as an entertainment writer!!”
This was me talking about my experience seeing Newsted live after I got home the night of the concert with a friend of mine. It was a truly amazing experience, one that I hope the review I posted last month captured pretty well. For reference, the whole concert at The Middle East was put up on Youtube (though Audio quality is rather poor in some videos, sort of like my camera work). The reason I chose this as number three on my list was because Jason Newsted is a personal hero of mine for how he rose to fame against really pressing odds, and has remained a genuinely nice guy despite it all.
2. Instead of putting Whitey Bulger to death I say we make him listen to “Dinosaur” by Ke$ha for the rest of his life.
I was insulting Ke$ha’s music and Whitey Bulger with this Facebook status. I didn’t enjoy the terrible ear-bleeding quality of the Ke$ha song “Dinosaur”, which happens to be about a creepy old dude who hits on very young girls. I wrote my review of Ke$ha’s first album around the same time they caught Whitey Bulger down in Florida, and I was just being a smart*** to express my disapproval of a renowned criminal and cult icon pop star. However, I’ve since learned to appreciate Ke$ha as a living parody of all pop music today. For that I can at least appreciate that Ke$ha’s music still has some substance and can rouse emotions out of me (as I’m often a tough critic of top 10 songs). So, my apologies for associating Ke$ha with a murderer and being harsher than I should have been.
1. “There is no greater sorrow than to recall happiness in times of misery”. Dante pretty much explains how I’ve been feeling for the past five years while thinking of the Summer and Fall of 2008. My misery and pain in the present won’t just magically disappear as it supposedly does for some people (as if), but pain normally lies in the present so I pray for a better tomorrow. I guess the old saying “Time heals all wounds” is a good comeback to the saying Dante wrote, but “wounds never heal quickly” is my own comeback.
I’ve been through an interesting and very hard journey through my late teen years and my early 20s. The year 2008 is still very special to me since I finished High School and began College. I also met many friends and my ex-fiance that year in Salem so I still reminisce quite often about 2008. Looking back at that year now with how things have not been easy for me shows how true the quote by Dante really is. But, I’m a writer and amateur philosopher so I put my own spin it; that spin simply being that the past can’t be changed, but the future can be. However, change’s always a gradual process and in my case it will take me a while to embrace the future.
There we go. In the vast human experience I can be very wise about life, or wise when it comes music and other subjects I dislike making me all the more human. At the end of the day I am who I am, and I will always enjoy being the narrator of my own story.
It’s time to dust off the digital cobwebs of this blog and cast off this loathsome writers block off of my shoulder and announce; I have graduated Cum Laud from college!!
This news does come with a negative side though; I’m no longer engaged to my now ex-fiance. I’m not getting into the specifics, but needless to say it’s been very hard for me since she left. From here on out I’ll be keeping my personal life out of my blogs.
Graduation day was long, and some of the speeches were not inspirational and very dry, but it was a great day overall. As I was waiting for my name to be called I couldn’t help but think of my humble beginnings at Salem State, the struggles I had faced, and even distant flashes of my high school graduation.
Time is truly the greatest force of change to the attitudes of mankind, as I never would have thought of making it this far when I was just an anti-social dude playing Xbox all throughout high school. But I did it, and the seeds of accomplishment are mine to reap. Unfortunately, so are the loans I’ve borrowed and the this miserable economy we live in.
The job hunt for me so far has taught me that temp agencies are the best route for corporate jobs, and that the best thing to do is have a relevant well organized unique resume that reflects who YOU are. People will endlessly critique your resume and change it to their idea of a perfect resume, and if you take that new resume to someone else they will change it to their liking and so-on (it’s an unending hair pulling process.) Lastly, show initiative before getting the job (going in person, research their history) and tell them how you can best be an asset to the company you applied too. Now, if only I could follow my own advice and get a job…
The important thing for me is to not give up hope, even though my future plans have changed pretty drastically from what they were in December. I would like to thank my family, friends, and loyal readers for getting me this far. I’ll keep pushing until I get further in life, and someday when the economy gets better I’ll be a Music Critic like I’ve wanted for the last four years.