Self Relation

A Decade in Review: A Personal Essay

Posted on by kevinthemusicguy

As the decade comes to a close, and as my 20’s fade into the background, I want to say that it’s been a mixed journey for me.

Years such as 2010, 2013, 2016, and parts of 2018 were straight up agonizing for me due to suffering many losses (deaths, breakups, loss of my first shot at being a Jouralist) in my personal life and my career. 2010 was a hard year, 2013 was a lonely year, 2016 was a year I suffered a complete mental breakdown, and 2018 saw me going back to my old habbit of jumping from job to job.

For all of that pain though, I realize that it has helped me become a better person now as I’ve learned from my mistakes, and I know how to be more mindful of my actions towards other people. I feel pride in myself for knowing what I had to change about myself. I have learned from those bad years what I will need to feel happy in the coming decade.

Of course, there were good years this decade as well, such as: 2011, 2012, 2014, 2015, 2017, and 2019. They were good to me as I felt more at peace during them than I did during the bad years. When looking back, I enjoyed the music I heard and made in those times, as well as the friends I’ve met. I think with the new decade will come new opportunities for both my music and my writing, but also to start saving money to eventually build a family with my wife (whom I married this past year).

I remember being optimistic back in 2010, and while things didn’t turn out as I had planned, I still ended up where I needed to be. To quote the 11th Doctor from Doctor Who, “I know now where I’m going, where I’ve always been going: Home, the long way round.”

Happy New Year, everyone. Make it a great one!

-KCard

Reflecting on 2013 and 2014 in My Life

Posted on by kevinthemusicguy

Hello again WordPress, it’s been a while. I’ve been busy working my first full-time permanent job as an auto insurance salesman, and organizing things with my band prepping for our first show on June 20th. The thing I’m going to write about today is the difference time brings, namely the darkness of 2013 and the light of 2014.

If there was one word to describe how 2013 treated me it would be “agonizing”, a sentiment that this solo performance from Ben Burnley of Breaking Benjamin expresses quite eloquently with this video:

Becoming single after four years, my ex keeping my cat, and long periods of unemployment of losing (and skipping) to different jobs can really get a person down (especially one fresh out of college). It was a huge emotional struggle that I am glad to have survived and grown from as a person. I suppose that is what it really means to be an adult; dealing with the consequences of your actions and understanding your responsibilities in life.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the singular word I would describe 2014 would be “recovery”. Last October was a sort of emotional renaissance for me, and 2014 has continued the trend with opportunities for employment and gigs with my band. If things keep going the way they are I’ll hopefully have my first apartment and car by the end of the year. It’s a nice feeling to know that your time to strike out your sense of personal freedom’s close at hand. So on that note (and in reference to my favorite blog from last year) here is Fall Out Boy’s “The Phoenix”:

Funny since I used to despise FOB, but their newer music is different from their older music (and a lot better IMO).

Ultimately, part of growing in life is accepting that both great and terrible things will always happen, and accepting that simple fact made my life a lot easier since depression hit me like a sack of bricks last year. Good tidings have helped me rise above the bad things this year, and for that I’m quite happy with life right now.

-Tatteybye

How I Relate Fictional Characters to Myself

Posted on by kevinthemusicguy

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*I do not own this image, credit(s) unknown. Show spoilers ahead!*

This blog is meant to be a peek into the inner workings of my highly nerdy brain. As such, this blog is not for the faint of imagination: you have been warned!

Cutting to the chase, I’ve been through a lot of emotional struggles in my life, and being somewhat reclusive I didn’t always want to be around people. So in my reclusive times I had a tendency of watching epic television shows and anime to forget about said problems. I’m happy that I picked the entertainment mediums I had since these television shows taught me awesome morals when I was younger, and continue to still do so today.

For instance, the lesson of the manga Naruto taught me that hard work will always overcome natural genius (which I relate too with my bass playing). Breaking Bad taught me how easily money, pride, and power can corrupt a person. Doctor Who showed me how Regeneration is a brilliant metaphor for a personal rebirth.

Now why am I listing these things? Because I like to imagine myself as these characters depending on what mood I’m in. In times of great consideration of my past and personal life I liken how I feel to this scene of Walter and Skyler White:

For those who don’t watch Breaking Bad, Walt always justified his selfish and murderous actions of cooking meth and killing people by saying “I did this for my family!” Here, Walt is coming clean and in my eyes earned a tiny bit of redemption. This feeling of redemption and honesty is how I feel when I come clean about something selfish I’ve done (though obviously in a less dramatic overtone).

Another character I imagine myself as is the War Doctor from the 50th Doctor Who Anniversary Special:

The War Doctor was tasked with ending the Time War and saving the galaxy by having to destroy his home world. I love when the Doctor declares “No more” and “What I did, I did without choice” because I sometimes relate myself to him when I have to make very difficult decisions (genocide not being one them, ahem).

At other times I imagine myself as Merle Dixon from the Walking Dead, who did anything to protect his baby brother in the zombie apocalypse.

I’m not saying I’m a white supremacist or anything like that (whom Merle’s character was). I just adore how complex Merle’s character was which is why I enjoyed Cosplaying as Merle and meeting Merle’s actor Michael Rooker last October. I like to think of Merle as the more sarcastic part of my personality, and I still can’t get over just how much of a complete bad-ass he was.

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I could go on, but I think you’ve got the gist of what I’ve been blogging about. If anyone has any favorite fictional characters they relate themselves too, then feel free to share them in the comments section!

-Tatteybye