Kevin Card’s “Fill in the Blank” Music Awards of 2012

Aye, we are already past two weeks into the new year and I’ve been slowly moving along looking for a job with some promising leads here and there. I honestly haven’t had the the time or will to write lately, but life demands that we shake out of our personal funks back into productivity for the betterment of society. And the society of music from 2012 needed A LOT of betterment. I then hereby welcome you to Kevin Card’s “‘Fill in The Blank’ Music Awards of 2012.” Here, I will name what I believe to be the most fitting title of each single like  ‘”Call Me Maybe’ was the most Bubble Gum Song of 2012.” Drum roll please…

1. I hereby award the Most Overplayed Song of 2012 to…

This particular song took North America by storm back in March alongside it’s “hipster” partner on the charts “We Are Young” by Fun. “Somebody that I Used to Know” was released back in 2011, which makes sense since 2011 was a real game changer on the Billboard 100. It makes sense that this track got popular because on your first listen through you’re likely to think, “Oh my God, this is so different! And it’s a great breakup track!” which everyone DID think, until this song got too big for it’s own good and was milked dry by the radio stations who even now are still releasing remixes of this song. That being said, I still enjoy the song and respect Gotye for being an original artist who is actually succeeding at it. People who may not have liked THIS song should check out Gotye’s other works before they trash him.

2. And the award for Blandest Song goes to…

It was almost a tie between this and “Diamonds” by Rhianna, but I like the strings and the beat of “Diamonds” better than this track. “Wide Awake” is very empty sounding to me and lacks any real tonal center, by which I mean it comes out sounding very flat and predictable. However, I understand that Ms. Perry is showing the world that she is a strong independent human being. Now let me please clarify to the legions of angry Katy Perry fans right now, I don’t hate her as a person. Perry is making money while making music, and that is a dream of mine as well. However, I dislike the way Perry makes money because I can’t stand her songs since to me they are very bland and overly simplified.

3. I hereby award Most Bubblegum Pop Song to…

The biggest butt of internet joke memes for better AND worse of 2012; this song seems to be hated and loved equally by many. The reason for that is very simple as it’s a standard song formula used in every other pop song ever. It’s made to get stuck into your head with repetitive and minimalistic music while revolving around the main hook. It’s like a bad cold; you listen to the song, hate it for three weeks while it’s stuck in your head, and then you move on stronger than before. The sad thing is this formula and those who argue over how “good or bad” it is will be around forever.

4. Category: Most Disappointing Underground Song of 2012, “Analog Man” by Joe Walsh

Sorry that there is no music video. For those wondering who Joe Walsh is, he’s the lead guitarist from The Eagles (Hotel California, Love Will Show us The Way, etc.) Naturally, I would have expected something really killer and a strong throwback to classic rock, which was the majority of his latest album. Instead he released the title track which happens to be the worst on the CD. What we’ve here got is a man complaining about modern recording technology in a typical blues rock song with too much reverb, which was also recorded DIGITALLY. If people want strong throwback music recorded on analog technology then listen to underground punk rock, not this song of an “analog” man telling the digital kids to get off his lawn.

5. Most Enjoyable Pop Song: “Locked Out of Heaven” by Bruno Mars

I don’t hate commercial music, I hate ear-grating music that plays it’s self too often and fails at its purpose. This song is a pop song about sex, done in a very 80s style (ala The Police and Micheal Jackson) that was done right because of the strong build up in the chorus and the nice changes between the other song sections. People have heard it before many times, but what makes this a winner for me song is Mars’s strong emoting because you can tell he really feels it, unlike some other singers out there. Mars may be very commercial as an artist, but at least he’s skilled at it.

6. Best Viral Hit- “Gagnam Style” by Psy

I don’t feel the need to explain why this song got so popular, but I will anyways. People find this song hilarious because of the jokes in the video, that and the song is reminiscent of LMFAOs better singles. However, the song is actually about a girl who would fall for a sensitive “nerdy” guy rather a really muscular hunk, and for that reason I love the song even more since I was a nerd growing up (and still am). Also, well done Psy for beating out Justin Bieber’s views on Youtube.

7. Song Most Likely to Blow Your Socks Off- “Skyfall” by Adele

Now understand I have yet to see the movie Skyfall, but this song is the best Bond theme I’ve ever heard since Paul McCartney’s “Live and Let Die” because of Adele’s amazing voice and the climactic chorus. I also love how they sew in the Bond theme as a medley so seamlessly. When you hear the first chorus with Adele’s high register and the orchestra playing behind it, you know that it will blow your socks off. Well met Adele. Well met indeed.

8. Most Surprising Song of 2012- “Die Young” by Ke$ha

Those who remember my old blogs know that I was no fan of Ke$ha due to her first album and the musical travesty of the track “Dinosaur.” However, I did enjoy some of the songs off of “Cannibal”, and the singles from “Die Young” thus far are of a better song quality then her previous works. Her signature off pitch “bad girl” rapping is still there unfortunately, but I doubt she will ever stop doing that. I would put this song as a guilty pleasure as it has grown on me the more I listen to it. I am surprised I would enjoy a ke$ha song this much. By the way, I think Ke$ha has a decent set of vocal chords despite using pitch correction often. I don’t view Ke$ha as a sell out in the music industry, I view her as a victim of a fickle audience with a short attention span.

9. Worst Song of 2012-  “Starships” by Nicki Minaj

Honorable mentions for this category: “Payphone” by Maroon 5, and “One Thing” by One Direction. However, this song won because it tries so hard to blend the styles of other pop sensations (Ke$ha’s rapping, Katy Perry’s vocals, and Skrillex’s dub-step), but just falls flat on its face with how horrible it all sounds. I think Minaj does have an okay voice, I just really hate the way this song was written. It also fails to mention any of the COOL things that star ships do, instead she is just using the title as a pun for someone to get high while partying. Lame, this track is. Worse song of 2012, it has won.

10. Best Song of 2012- “Some Nights” by Fun

Honorable Mentions include “State of the Art” by Gotye, and “Bangarang ft. Sirah” by Skrillex. However, this song just fills me with positive energy due to the heroic marching beat and the lyrics against war that are to die for. Sure lead vocalist Nate Ruess is auto-tuned like crazy here, but in this case it’s just used for stylistic effect. This is a very triumphant song with a chorus reminiscent of Simon and Garfunkel’s “Cecelia.” And this is a great song to welcome the new year (despite the track being released around last March).

Overall I’m glad that 2012 had a handful of nice songs because the majority of said songs were just garbage for how under-written and over-produced they were. People are free to agree or disagree with my opinions on the music industry and how I want to change it, but my views are still my own.

Happy New Years.

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